Before I start I just wanted to say it's helping me read about your guys' stories about breakups. It makes me feel like i'm not alone, and that other people share my pain. It's only fair that I post my story and my pain.
We were friends since high school. Like strictly platonic, good friends. Even though we went off to college, we would keep in contact. When I moved back home after finishing college, we started dating. We had/have(hopeful speaking here) that connection where we just had alot of fun together and enjoyed each other's company. It blossomed into more serious dating after one night. Even though we were 2.5 hours apart when she went to college, I would drive at least once a week to go see here while I was working a really difficult swing shift (330-12AM) and it was worth it every time. I felt something really strong with her like none other, and I know she felt it too.
Like every guy, I had the typical man-thoughts and a part of her body kind of bugged me. I was also thinking about 1-2 other girls here and there, but doesn't all single guys have manpride thoughts? I kept this down in a blog because I liked to vent my passing thoughts by typing. My last entry was on 10/2010. (This will come back up later in the story)
I always knew it was personality that was most important to me, and connection, that's why I was making such a difficult effort to always drive and go see her with a nightmare of a shift. My days off were Wednesday Thursday if you can imagine how inconvenient that is. On New Years going into 2011, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. I knew I wanted my future to be with her.
Things were great in the beginning, then there was a few bumps. She wanted me to burn bridges with a good female friend that I used to like, but never did anything with (I never even told that friend about my feelings for her). That friend has a boyfriend, but they were and still are long distance (he lives in Canada). They get to see each other 3-4 times a year. I mention this only because I feel if I brought up my feelings for her to her, I could have gotten away with it but i'm not that type of a guy. Even so she made me burn bridges with this really good friend. I understand why, but you guys will find this will come up again.
There were times around March where I felt like I wanted to give up because she seemed really demanding. I think it's just how she is as a person, she expects many things and I grew to accept that later on, but it was hard for me because she didn't have a job so I paid for almost everything (we went out alot, too). And she kept demanding more. But she wrote a really thoughtful email that saved us, yet it made me have thoughts of being single again after experiencing what she was saying to me despite all my efforts of not only driving 2.5 hours every week (thats one-way trip, so total 5 hours driving) but also planning things and paying for things. I had absolutely no savings and it was cutting into credit card debt. But it was worth it for all the experiences, memories, and time together. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I would find my feelings for her going up and down from it still, just her without a job was difficult for me because I wanted to have some money to pay off student debts and such. It affected overall how I treated her, even though we went on alot of outings and trips. We went to this one 3-day electronic music event and I was mean to her. Looking back at it, it destroys me on how I treated her even though she was so caring. Typing it now alone is making me tear uncontrollably. We went on a break shortly after.
Towards the end of our one-month break, me and my close friend sent a message or two through Facebook about nothing really in particular. I saw nothing wrong of course since she's always been, just a friend. But after we got back from the break, she saw my messages with this close friend that I said I burned bridges with when I left my laptop open. That pretty much led to our breakup 2 weeks after. She was really hurt and said it violated her trust for me since I burned bridges with her. I found myself writing an email to my close friend saying I can never speak with her because I can't afford to lose the love of my life.
I pretty much begged her for another chance. I told her we'd start as friends, and she wouldn't have to commit to anything. Also around this time her best friend (male) started liking her. The next few months I started winning her back, and things were going really well. The other friend was an issue because he would remind her of why she broke up with me to begin with (trust-issue). I feel it was a way for him to "win" her over, I thought it was really cheap and pathetic to do that. But still she stayed in it with me and we were progressing. It's been really hard the past 5 months because I can only see her like 3-4 times a month, yet things were going good. I even started to look for another job to spend time with her. (I still work swing shift, getting Fri-Sat off. She works M-F 8am-5)
So around Dec 29 me and her went to a music concert with some other friends. I blacked out and was on autopilot (no control what was going on) and apparently a girl that wasn't her, held my hand for a while. This reminded my girl about the trust-issues and she exploded on me after we got back home a few days later. She demanded to see the email I wrote to my close friend that I could never speak with her again, but I deleted it. I told her I still had it because I felt if I said I deleted it (I delete emails/online stuff that makes me remember bad memories) she wouldn't believe me and get more mad saying I never sent it. I should have been honest. I told her I couldn't give her my email information. I felt really awkward doing that already since it's like invading someone's privacy. This was 16-17 days ago.
Things were pretty okay even after that, and she went on a trip to vegas. During her trip she would call and message me sweet things, how she was looking forward to seeing me. This was actually last weekend. Then on Sunday she said she would see me that night and I was really happy. But her best friend that guy I mentioned who really likes her picked her up, and they had a conversation I guess about him asking her to be his girlfriend. She told me it made her think about her and me, and how she felt she could never trust me. This got worse the next day and eventually led her to demanding my email info. I gave it to her, and it just made things worse.
She saw that blog I mentioned from the beginning of the story. Even though it was over a year ago and I was a much different person, and even though it was just man-pride thoughts that I typed and didn't reflect who I truly am, she took it really personal also because the physical thing I mentioned in the blog, was a big insecurity to her. She said our relationship was built "lies upon lies" but I totally disagree with that. I feel its so unfair that I was judged so harshly on something that was written from so long ago. I feel like she's completely ignoring all our memories and moments together. It hurts because I feel its just so unfair, that's nothing who I am today.
She's completely ignoring me. I dropped by during her lunchtime at work when I found out that she saw the blog, and how angry she was. She also said she has been crying every night, just like me. I kept stressing to her it was such a long time ago and that's nothing who I am to no effect. I really know how hurt she is by everything, but I just feels like its also unfair to be judged like that. I know a big part of it is also the trust issues, but I felt by giving her my password and leaving my blog on there, it showed how willing I am to gain her trust. It just made everything 10 times worse by giving her the password. It made it seem like inside I was a sleaze/douchebag that just lied to her and cared about physical beauty.
I feel like if I leave her alone, she'll get over me completely and move on. I asked her to be friends in person when I saw her for lunch, and all she said was she can't be friends with someone she loves. She defriended me on Facebook and said we could be acquaintances. I asked her to see her in 30 days, so i'll be seeing her in about a month from now. Til then i've been stopping myself from calling her to try and reason with her, saying that blog was from such a long time ago, and that trust would be worked out really soon since i've been applying to jobs for a normal work schedule.
SUMMARY:
My love breaks up with me due to trust-issues, and something she found that I wrote about her over a year ago. I feel she should know how much I changed from all the memories we shared, and that what I wrote was just man-talk to myself (its not even who I am!!!!) but I feel I really did it this time and I hope to god its not over.
We've shared too many special memories and moments together for the past year + 4 months. I don't want to lose her because the issue seems something that we can resolve over time (its not like she stopped loving me). I want to provide everything for her and take care of her, it's how i've felt the past 5 months and I can see myself doing it for a lifetime.
Should I try calling her or try seeing her in person during lunch? I'm pretty sure she's going to ignore my calls/txts. I'm afraid if I leave her alone for too long, she'll move on from me forever or she'll put a wall up. It burns me up because there's this feeling of unfairness that i'm being judged from something so long ago, that I wrote randomly to myself (she made a big deal out of it). And honestly I don't want anyone else but her in life.
It hurts so much. I've never been in this much pain in my life .
We were friends since high school. Like strictly platonic, good friends. Even though we went off to college, we would keep in contact. When I moved back home after finishing college, we started dating. We had/have(hopeful speaking here) that connection where we just had alot of fun together and enjoyed each other's company. It blossomed into more serious dating after one night. Even though we were 2.5 hours apart when she went to college, I would drive at least once a week to go see here while I was working a really difficult swing shift (330-12AM) and it was worth it every time. I felt something really strong with her like none other, and I know she felt it too.
Like every guy, I had the typical man-thoughts and a part of her body kind of bugged me. I was also thinking about 1-2 other girls here and there, but doesn't all single guys have manpride thoughts? I kept this down in a blog because I liked to vent my passing thoughts by typing. My last entry was on 10/2010. (This will come back up later in the story)
I always knew it was personality that was most important to me, and connection, that's why I was making such a difficult effort to always drive and go see her with a nightmare of a shift. My days off were Wednesday Thursday if you can imagine how inconvenient that is. On New Years going into 2011, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. I knew I wanted my future to be with her.
Things were great in the beginning, then there was a few bumps. She wanted me to burn bridges with a good female friend that I used to like, but never did anything with (I never even told that friend about my feelings for her). That friend has a boyfriend, but they were and still are long distance (he lives in Canada). They get to see each other 3-4 times a year. I mention this only because I feel if I brought up my feelings for her to her, I could have gotten away with it but i'm not that type of a guy. Even so she made me burn bridges with this really good friend. I understand why, but you guys will find this will come up again.
There were times around March where I felt like I wanted to give up because she seemed really demanding. I think it's just how she is as a person, she expects many things and I grew to accept that later on, but it was hard for me because she didn't have a job so I paid for almost everything (we went out alot, too). And she kept demanding more. But she wrote a really thoughtful email that saved us, yet it made me have thoughts of being single again after experiencing what she was saying to me despite all my efforts of not only driving 2.5 hours every week (thats one-way trip, so total 5 hours driving) but also planning things and paying for things. I had absolutely no savings and it was cutting into credit card debt. But it was worth it for all the experiences, memories, and time together. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I would find my feelings for her going up and down from it still, just her without a job was difficult for me because I wanted to have some money to pay off student debts and such. It affected overall how I treated her, even though we went on alot of outings and trips. We went to this one 3-day electronic music event and I was mean to her. Looking back at it, it destroys me on how I treated her even though she was so caring. Typing it now alone is making me tear uncontrollably. We went on a break shortly after.
Towards the end of our one-month break, me and my close friend sent a message or two through Facebook about nothing really in particular. I saw nothing wrong of course since she's always been, just a friend. But after we got back from the break, she saw my messages with this close friend that I said I burned bridges with when I left my laptop open. That pretty much led to our breakup 2 weeks after. She was really hurt and said it violated her trust for me since I burned bridges with her. I found myself writing an email to my close friend saying I can never speak with her because I can't afford to lose the love of my life.
I pretty much begged her for another chance. I told her we'd start as friends, and she wouldn't have to commit to anything. Also around this time her best friend (male) started liking her. The next few months I started winning her back, and things were going really well. The other friend was an issue because he would remind her of why she broke up with me to begin with (trust-issue). I feel it was a way for him to "win" her over, I thought it was really cheap and pathetic to do that. But still she stayed in it with me and we were progressing. It's been really hard the past 5 months because I can only see her like 3-4 times a month, yet things were going good. I even started to look for another job to spend time with her. (I still work swing shift, getting Fri-Sat off. She works M-F 8am-5)
So around Dec 29 me and her went to a music concert with some other friends. I blacked out and was on autopilot (no control what was going on) and apparently a girl that wasn't her, held my hand for a while. This reminded my girl about the trust-issues and she exploded on me after we got back home a few days later. She demanded to see the email I wrote to my close friend that I could never speak with her again, but I deleted it. I told her I still had it because I felt if I said I deleted it (I delete emails/online stuff that makes me remember bad memories) she wouldn't believe me and get more mad saying I never sent it. I should have been honest. I told her I couldn't give her my email information. I felt really awkward doing that already since it's like invading someone's privacy. This was 16-17 days ago.
Things were pretty okay even after that, and she went on a trip to vegas. During her trip she would call and message me sweet things, how she was looking forward to seeing me. This was actually last weekend. Then on Sunday she said she would see me that night and I was really happy. But her best friend that guy I mentioned who really likes her picked her up, and they had a conversation I guess about him asking her to be his girlfriend. She told me it made her think about her and me, and how she felt she could never trust me. This got worse the next day and eventually led her to demanding my email info. I gave it to her, and it just made things worse.
She saw that blog I mentioned from the beginning of the story. Even though it was over a year ago and I was a much different person, and even though it was just man-pride thoughts that I typed and didn't reflect who I truly am, she took it really personal also because the physical thing I mentioned in the blog, was a big insecurity to her. She said our relationship was built "lies upon lies" but I totally disagree with that. I feel its so unfair that I was judged so harshly on something that was written from so long ago. I feel like she's completely ignoring all our memories and moments together. It hurts because I feel its just so unfair, that's nothing who I am today.
She's completely ignoring me. I dropped by during her lunchtime at work when I found out that she saw the blog, and how angry she was. She also said she has been crying every night, just like me. I kept stressing to her it was such a long time ago and that's nothing who I am to no effect. I really know how hurt she is by everything, but I just feels like its also unfair to be judged like that. I know a big part of it is also the trust issues, but I felt by giving her my password and leaving my blog on there, it showed how willing I am to gain her trust. It just made everything 10 times worse by giving her the password. It made it seem like inside I was a sleaze/douchebag that just lied to her and cared about physical beauty.
I feel like if I leave her alone, she'll get over me completely and move on. I asked her to be friends in person when I saw her for lunch, and all she said was she can't be friends with someone she loves. She defriended me on Facebook and said we could be acquaintances. I asked her to see her in 30 days, so i'll be seeing her in about a month from now. Til then i've been stopping myself from calling her to try and reason with her, saying that blog was from such a long time ago, and that trust would be worked out really soon since i've been applying to jobs for a normal work schedule.
SUMMARY:
My love breaks up with me due to trust-issues, and something she found that I wrote about her over a year ago. I feel she should know how much I changed from all the memories we shared, and that what I wrote was just man-talk to myself (its not even who I am!!!!) but I feel I really did it this time and I hope to god its not over.
We've shared too many special memories and moments together for the past year + 4 months. I don't want to lose her because the issue seems something that we can resolve over time (its not like she stopped loving me). I want to provide everything for her and take care of her, it's how i've felt the past 5 months and I can see myself doing it for a lifetime.
Should I try calling her or try seeing her in person during lunch? I'm pretty sure she's going to ignore my calls/txts. I'm afraid if I leave her alone for too long, she'll move on from me forever or she'll put a wall up. It burns me up because there's this feeling of unfairness that i'm being judged from something so long ago, that I wrote randomly to myself (she made a big deal out of it). And honestly I don't want anyone else but her in life.
It hurts so much. I've never been in this much pain in my life .
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